Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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