can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
