Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
