4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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