this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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