I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
