first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
