Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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