i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
