but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
