This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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