apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
