do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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