Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
