You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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