Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
