mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
there was a trapeze. enough said
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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