and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
