Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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