I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
