Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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