i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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