Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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