You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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