***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
