Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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