There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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