Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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