you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
