I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
