I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
