I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
