I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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