The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
