he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
