She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
