i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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