using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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