At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize