i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
no you cant smoke seaweed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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