She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
