and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
