just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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