did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This baby is an asshole
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize