Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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