lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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