Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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