good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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