dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
