At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
