You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
