Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have aggressive nipples.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
