WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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