yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
