did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
