So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
