you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I AM VODKA MAN
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
