I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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