But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
