Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
