I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
