I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
