I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How external is "for external use only"?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
