my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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