if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
