she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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