this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
