Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
