i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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