My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize