Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
