Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
