I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
