You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
