DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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