That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i think my cat just said my name.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
