Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
