he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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