Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
