We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
