So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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