Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
