I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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