Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
