so that wasnt chicken after all
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
