I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
