Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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