My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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