You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
