we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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