So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
