i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
smell my finger.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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