It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
