I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
