When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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