I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
