We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize