I just cut my nipple shaving
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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