Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
