; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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