Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I will pee on everything he values.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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